5 tips for helping kids build resilience
Children's anxiety levels have increased in recent years. But parents can help turn the tide. Practical ways you can increase your kids' resilience.
Resilience is an essential life skill. Kids who start building resilience early in life grow up to be happier, healthier adults who can adapt to life's challenges. Building this quality is more important right now than ever, with anxiety levels in children and teens at an all-time high.
According to the American Psychological Association, clinical-level anxiety in kids went up 20% between 2007 and 2012. It has nearly doubled since the COVID-19 pandemic.
Fortunately, you can help your child build resilience. These five resilience-enhancing tips are backed by credible research, accessible, and actionable. You can start implementing them into your and your child's daily life today.
1. Lead by example
If you only do one thing to help your child build resilience, then lead by example. Children, especially younger age groups, learn how to respond to the world from the reactions of their parents. While learning self-regulation in a classroom setting or with a psychologist can really help, it is very important that a child first sees that their parent is resilient and emotionally mature.
There are many ways a parent can demonstrate these vital signs of resilience to a child. One of the most effective ones is through direct interaction. Steve Baskin, Chair of the American Camp Foundation, says that 'Parents are emotional barometers to their children. Children learn much of their reactions from the leads that parents provide.'
For example, if a parent emphasizes the positive aspects of daily life, their child is more likely to see their day in a positive way too. This doesn't mean ignoring real problems, but simply trying not to dwell on small negatives.
Fortunately, parents who themselves struggle with resilience can also take active steps to improve it. Harvard University's Center of the Developing Child reassures parents that 'it is never too late to build resilience.' Learning to become more resilient, whether through psychotherapy, mindfulness, or other methods, will help you be a better role model to your child.
2. Let your kids experience life's challenges
Every good parent wants their child to be safe. Paradoxically, though, trying to protect your child from every failure and disappointment can have a negative impact on their resilience. Steve Baskin has worked with kids for over three decades and is confident that children 'do best when exposed to challenges, disappointments, and even the occasional fight or insult.' Of course, this doesn't mean that you should ignore serious problems that your child brings to your attention or tolerate peer bullying. All it means is that your child learns resilience from coping with minor difficulties independently.
Allowing your kid to make their own friendships (even if you don't always like the kids they want to hang out with) and even enrolling them in summer camp can help your kids become more resilient. They need to learn to cope with challenges by actually encountering challenges, so try to resist the impulse to shield them from everything.
3. Enhance your kids' resilience with executive functioning classes
The executive function of the brain helps us make good decisions, focus, plan ahead, and achieve our goals. Executive function skills include memory, self-regulation, and self-control. It is, as the Center of the Developing Child puts it, the 'air-traffic control system' our brains have in place in order to help us manage our impulses and behaviors.
The great news is that these skills can be trained. Outschool's executive functioning classes help kids become more resilient by training their brains to be more flexible and adaptable to stressful situations. That way, children can learn that life's difficulties can be overcome without excessive anxiety and impulsivity.
4. Support your child's social skills
Building resilience is not all about teaching kids to have better relationships with their own minds. It's also about teaching them to have successful relationships with others. The American Psychological Association, for example, recommends that you 'teach your child the importance of engaging and connecting with their peers, including the skill of empathy and listening to others.'
Another invaluable skill that helps kids build resilience is learning to help others. Introduce children to (age-appropriate) volunteering or have them help out with tasks and siblings at home. Outschool's social skills and social-emotional skills classes will also help them become more empathetic and caring.
5. Take a look at external life factors
While all of the above tips will help your child build resilience, there's no denying that external factors influence how resilient a kid can be. Research consistently shows that children develop more resilience when their basic needs for safety, prosperity, and caring relationships are met.
According to the Center of the Developing Child at Harvard University, 'the single most common factor for children who develop resilience is at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive parent, caregiver, or other adult.'
This doesn't mean that every child has to have access to wealth and perfect parents to thrive. However, children raised in environments that are chaotic and unstable may become less resilient adults. As Professor of Psychology Liliana Lengua puts it in an article, 'If we want to support our children in developing skills and capacities for resilience, we need to start with creating safe, stable neighborhoods, home, and school settings.'
While moving to a different neighborhood may not be an option for everyone, homeschooling can be a productive alternative to a school environment that is hostile and/or stressful for your child.
If you want to help your child build their resilience and emotional skills, Outschool is here to help. Check out these top-rated resilience classes for kids.
